I’ve lived significant chunks of my life believing nothing mattered. I thought life lacked a predefined purpose and my life was insignificant. Those times now feel washed out and sad. I wish I had felt like I mattered and that life mattered.

These days, I still believe life has no predefined purpose. No supreme being clues you in on your life’s purpose and sends you on your way. I haven’t had that conversation yet anyway. I’ve gotten more okay with defining my life’s purpose by myself, and I’ve come a long way in feeling like I matter.

If you ever feel like you don’t matter, maybe my ideas will help you feel better.

First, I don’t think purpose must be predefined or ordained from an external source. I’m not really sure why I even sought out THE PURPOSE of life. Maybe I just wanted things to be easy. Being told what to do by an infallible source has some appeal since it eliminates the risk of doing the wrong thing. Anyway, I’ve given up on discovering the purpose and have gotten used to the idea that purpose can exist even if it isn’t handed to me, and I can choose its form for myself.

Next, I think some of us overdo humility by expressing and communicating that we’re no big deal. To avoid seeming arrogant, we may say and do things that communicate that we don’t matter much. Do this enough, and you might come to believe it. I think it’s good not to be arrogant, but there’s such a thing as too much self-deprecation, which can eventually lead you to believe you don’t matter much.

I matter because of my impact on the world. I think all people matter for the same reason.

Now, I don’t mean “impact the world” in the sense of doing big things. Doing big things is awesome but not required to matter. I think mattering comes from the littlest possible things. I’m talking about cause and effect and our relationships with each other. 

By cause and effect, I mean that we are here, we do things, and things change because we are here. The world is different because of the things we do. Because we have an impact (even if we don’t always see or know what the impact is), we matter.

We also matter because of our relationships with others. As social creatures, we interact and influence each other. Your life is different because of your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and everyone you’ve interacted with. In the same way, you’ve impacted and will impact others. If you were gone, you’d stop influencing your connections besides how they interact with their memories of you. Their lives and the world would change if you weren’t here.

So, I contend you have a big impact on life, even if you aren’t doing what you’d call big things–curing cancer, inventing new technologies, creating masterpieces, resolving global conflicts, etc. The little things–smiling at someone, hugging your mom, watching sports with your dad, joking with your friends, picking up a piece of trash–change how life unfolds. Because you’re changing things, and those changes ripple out to influence the world, you matter.

I think we achieve enough mattering to make a case against insignificance by acknowledging the importance of our everyday actions and interactions with others. Feeling like we matter is a good step toward believing we could have a purpose. As we lean into mattering, explore potential purposes, and put in the work, we achieve big things and impact the world more powerfully. 

So, if you ever feel you don’t matter or that life is pointless, I recommend going super small. Consider the impact of your smallest actions and how the world is different because of them. Sometimes, it may not seem like much, especially if you don’t feel good about yourself. Just know at least one person (me!) thinks your actions and you matter a lot. Life’s a lot more meaningful if you can come to think so too. – Sam